The Psychology of Cringe

What it is, why we feel it, and how we can use it to unlock our full creative potential.

Hi Cringers,

This week we’re talking about a topic I seem to be obsessed with: Cringe.

After all, I named my Substack after it. I call you cringers. What’s my deal exactly? Why can’t I get over this feeling?

Let’s unpack this. We’ll explore:

- What cringing is

- The evolutionary psychology of cringe

- And why embracing the cringe may be just what you need to unlock your creative potential

First up:

What is cringe?

You have that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and that gritted-teeth-frown-smile on your face. Every other thought is, "Oh, sh*t!" 😬 

You start calculating how many days you could survive living off wild blueberries in the Maine woods until everyone forgets your name. You're experiencing....the CRINGE. 

In her 2018 article for The Guardian, “The Unexpected Benefits of Cringing,” author Melissa Dahl writes:

“The moments that make us cringe are when we are yanked out of our own perspective, and we can suddenly see ourselves from somebody else’s point of view.” 

We navigate our day-to-day lives through the lens of our experiences, values, and brain chemistry. What we see as hilarious, interesting, or helpful may be seen as cringeworthy by someone else. 

And worst of all, there is nothing we can do about it. We are all cringe to somebody.

Sharing online only amplifies this feeling because we can see impressions in real time and quantify others' disapproval based on engagement, or lack thereof. 

We not only cringe at how others perceive us but also at how we perceive ourselves.

As Dahl writes:

“Some psychologists who study embarrassment call this feeling the distinction between the lived and the corporeal selves: the former is in your head, whereas the latter is out there in the real world.

You can pretend that these two selves are one and the same, until some kind of awkward mishap occurs and yanks you out of that fantasy. Then the me walking around out there does not always do such a good job of living up to the standards of the me that exists in my imagination.”

When we fail to embody who we imagine ourselves to be, we cringe.

The Evolutionary Psychology of Cringe

If it’s all so embarrassing, then why do we seek it out? Why do we watch cringe-comedy, read tell-all memoirs, and subscribe to Substacks called “Cringe Letter?”

According to Dahl:

"Evolutionary history has hammered in us a need for community, considering how lone prehistoric men died alone and survived in packs. Over time, this morphed into a rejection of those who did not adhere to arbitrary social mores — and the cringe is a symptom of anticipating that rejection." 

We are drawn to cringe content so we can learn what not to do to stay in the “pack.”

The irony is that we’re also drawn to cringe content because it’s relatable. We’ve all embarrassed ourselves in some way. The difference is, few people share their embarrassment publicly. And when someone does, it sticks out.

Inviting others into your cringe experiences can foster a sense of connection in a way that sharing only positive experiences can’t. 

In her article 2018 article for The Ringer, “The Psychology of Cringe Comedy: Why We Love to Watch What Hurts Us,” journalist Alison Herman writes, “Pleasant or not, cringe puts us in touch with a part of humanity we spend the rest of our lives trying to keep out of sight.”

Why embracing cringe can help you unlock your creative potential: 

If you want to create anything, you have to be willing to face the cringe head-on and do so repeatedly.

Because the more you embarrass yourself, the easier it will become, and the less you’ll care about others’ opinions of you.

You will never please everyone. The best we can do is work to close the gap between who we imagine ourselves to be and how we present ourselves to the world.

Allowing ourselves and others to be cringe, means creating space to be imperfect and try new things.

Embarrass yourself, be a dork, and make mistakes because the more you cringe, the less cringe it will feel. That’s how you develop the self-acceptance and confidence you need to create more, take bigger risks, and become the creator you were always meant to be.